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The Key to Motivation Yourself and Others


Have you ever wondered why some people get stuff done and others don't? Or how certain types of stuff gets done and other stuff always stays on the "to-do" list or even worse, doesn't even make it on to the "to-do" list? Have you ever wondered how to get yourself or someone else to do something? Well, I read a book that just might answer all those questions.


I recently read a book called The 4 Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin and it all started to make sense. In her book you predominantly fall into 1 of 4 personality traits and how/if you respond to external and internal expectations.

  • Upholders meet all expectations, internal and external. Upholders value self-reliance and performance: tell them what needs to be done, and they’ll do it.

  • Questioners meet internal expectations, but not external. Questioners value reason and purpose: if they feel what needs to be done is justified, they’ll do it.

  • Obligers meet external expectations, but not internal. Obligers value teamwork and duty: hold them accountable for something, and they’ll do it.

  • Rebels resist all expectations. Rebels value freedom and choice: let them choose what they want to do, and they’ll do it. (Allen Cheng | Jul 14, 2019)

External expectations: Making your airline flight on time. Boss expects your report on Friday. Picking up the kids after practice.


Internal expectations: I need to clean my house. I want to find a new job. I want to go on vacation.


If you or someone else has a difficult time with expectations (getting things done), there are some tricks to get them/you motivated. If you are an Obliger, tell someone else about your internal expectations because just knowing that they expect you to do something can help motivate you to do it. If you are an Upholder, make sure you balance your efforts and don't overwork yourself. If you work with a Questioner, tell them the reason you need something done before you even ask them to do it so the question of "why" is already answered. If you work with a Rebel, tell them (gently) that you don't think they can do something and they probably will move heaven and earth to prove you wrong. Example: "I bet you can't tidy your room in 15 minutes." OR, give them 2 options to choose from, both of which are acceptable to you. "Do you want to tidy your room now or in half an hour?"


Here is a link to the quiz online to determine where you fall in the 4 tendencies. https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/


Understanding your own tendencies is insightful and benefits you personally . Understanding other's tendencies improves communication and can help you motivate them in completing your requests....sneaky, right?







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